Monday, September 8, 2008

Dying of a Broken Heart

Happy 18th birthday Sam!









Today should be a happy day. Instead we feel like we are dying of a broken heart. My daughter is 18 today and in her infinite wisdom, she left yesterday while I slept! Without a word to either of us or even her brother....I am a mess, hell we are all a mess even Jake can't stop crying! She left to go live with a boyfriend who is totally controlling her. She has always been responsible, respectful and loving and I just don't understand this....this is my worst nightmare, we do nothing but cry constantly please pray for us because I don't know what else to do.......we are dying from a broken heart.....I don't know what to do....I don't know how to handle this... words can't even begin to describe the pain and the hurt we are feeling right now! The depths of the hurt and disappointment are tremendous...I feel as though a part of me has been ripped away...
I don't think I can get through this......If we didn't get along or argued it may be easier to understand but we didn't argue and I thought we were close.....I don't know where we went wrong!!

Lisa (dying of a broken heart)

45 comments:

Donna said...

Oh French! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes! Please don't ask where did you go wrong! Teens go through so many stages/phases in their lives! Some of those stages/phases we all dont agree with!

Because she left so abruptly... I have a feeling she will be coming home in the same manner. Some kids just have to learn the hard way! I will pray for you, Sam, Jake and Gordon...even Talley!

I wish I could give you a hug right now! Any time (regardless of the time) that you need to talk... I'm just a phone call away!

Big Hugs and Many Prayers,
xoxoxo
Donna

Raxx - A day in the life said...

Oh Lisa I'm just sad to hear of this, I dont quite know what to say, I hope you can confirm she is safe first of all, then you can communicate with her, I beleive she will come to her senses and move back home soon.

I'll be praying for you guys, this is hard, but not insurmountable, this too will pass, I hope your family gets through this.

Raquel

Twice as Nice said...

I can feel your pain as if it were my own, I am SO SORRY!!

I think all you can do it wait with opened arms as she will be back. Our concept of love is different in our teen years and some of lifes hardest lessons have to be lived to be learned.

She left while you were sleeping because she couldn't bear to see the hurt she knew you would be feeling so deep in your heart. That is a child that still has the connection and love for her parents but is being pulled by what she thinks is the love of her life. It's not the same as a disconnected child rebeling. She is confused and it's the sweet loving ones that can be easily manipulated. Pray, give it time, and she will be back.

I'm sure she is aware of your blog and she may not feel she can call home yet but she may check out your blog daily. If that's the case you may want to use it as your communication with her. Speak your heart here to her. Maybe it will help. Twin2

onlymehere said...

Oh Lisa, how my heart aches for you. Of course I'll keep your family in my prayers. We teach our kids and love them all we can but they choose their own path in life and sometimes it does rip our hearts out. I have one child who tests me on this all the time but I still love him dearly. As a mother I can only imagine how your heart must be aching. It's too bad kids have to become parents themselves to understand us better. My daughter, who just became a mother, has told me that she never really understood until now why I did some of the things I did and how much I must love her. Keep the communication channel open because it sounds like she's going to really need you but it will have to be in her own time. Keep us updated and I'll definitely pray for you and your family.

Kathy said...

Oh Lisa, I feel so bad for you right now, what can I say, except that sometimes our kids do things that we just don't understand for reasons we will never know, I pray that you have some contact with her and that you will be able to work this through, you did not go wrong Lisa of course you didnt and of course you are close, just give it some time, your daughter will soon realise that home and family are the core of our happiness, I am guessing her boyfriend has a lot to do with her actions right now but she will see through him soon enough, we are all here for you Lisa you know that, I am praying for you, big hugs dear friend, Kathy

Donna said...

Hey French,

I'm back... Just hoping that you are feeling a little at ease from all of the encouraging words here. You know, my 13 year old is only getting older and no matter how good of a Mother I am, the bottom line is, she is going to make her own decisions based on what she thinks is right at that particular time. All I can do at that point, is to pray for her to come to her natural born senses!

You are so heavy on my mind today...

xoxo
Donna

Deb said...

Lisa I'm so sorry for your pain right now. I will say keep the lines of communication open. She 18you know that 18 seems to be the magic number to our teenagers. Let her know that you love her and that at any time she wants to come back that with no doubt she can. Don't make this into a fight, and find time to do things with her like shopping, or etc.,just as if she'd left with your approval. She knows you love her, and if she needs you, you will know. Please keep this personal and don't air this on your blog or she may resent it. I love you my friend try and feel better. Deb

santamaker said...

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope you all work things out... I understand how difficult it is right now. Having a 21 and a 24 year old daughters, I can relate. It can be heart breaking, but she will learn from her own mistakes and I'm sure she knows that you'll be there for her. Keep the faith!

salmagundi said...

My heart goes out to you. Just keep praying for her, loving her, and try to keep the lines of communication open. So much of parenthood is never easy. Sally

artis1111 said...

I am soo sorry hon. I don't have any kids but I did have a friend that was in a controlling marriage. She finally got out. I was with them at times I wanted to take my poketbook up the side of his HEAD!I just kept telling her to leave and she did.Hang in there girl. HUGS!!!! Kathy

Susie Harris said...

Ouch! I feel your pain. I really do. Today is my daughter's sweet sixteen. She has my heart! Friday night my oldest son Jesse moved out. He will be 18 in October. He went to live with his Dad. My heart is broken as well. He didnt want to live under my roof and follow my rules. At least he is with his Dad but I know how you feel when you say your heart is ripped in two. He is coming over tonight to help celebrate my daughters birthday. I hope he comes back with his bags. I have to stand firm though even though it's breaking my heart. I hope your daughter comes around and heads back for home soon. My prayers are with you. It's so hard to be a Mom. I had no idea.... Take care my sweet friend... you are not alone...

Brown-Eyes said...

Hello...this is my first post on your blog and I have to say...your heart is broken, but it will heal and your baby girl will be back in your life...just give her some space right now...she was raised right I have no doubt and she knows she is loved by her family..now, when she does re-enter your life...just accept her and forgive any injustices...as a mother who has lost her ONLY child in an auto accident, I must say...your heart will heal!
All the best to you, ;-) Bo

Buffie said...

I'm so sad that you're going through tihis...I left at the age of 18 to go live with my boyfriend too...I ended up marrying him...been married to him for 29 years now...if he's not the right one, she will be back. Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open and pray....that's all we can do...

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Hi, Lisa, I'm SO sorry to hear this. Do a lot of praying & hang in there. God can work things out when WE cannot. I hope that things get better for you soon.

Justine said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Why would your daughter do this to you? And on her birthday? That was just plain cruel! Is she speaking to you? Where does the boyfriend live? How long have they been dating? OMG, this is just so heartbreaking. I feel so badly for you.
And honey, it doesn't sound like you and hubby went wrong anywhere. Your daughter has done wrong.

Justine :o )

Justine said...

I think what Buffie said is exactly right. You've got to let her spread her wings, even if she's going about it all wrong. Let her know you will always love her, and though you don't agree with what she's done, you have to stick by her anyway. That way she'll know that when/if things don't work out with her boyfriend, she's still got a home with you.

Justine :O )

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, this post is just breaking my heart...I an send you a big cyber hug..Give her a little time she will be back...please known you and your family are in my though and prayers....hang in there! Pat H aka 9405018

Tootsie said...

My dear friend. I am so sorry to hear that you too are suffering. I can say that I did a similar thing in my lifetime. All you can do is make sure she knows you are there for her, and not push. The more you push, the further she will go. She thinks she knows what is best for her and that your advice is a form of control.
I am so sorry for your pain and I can honestly say that I know how you are feeling right now. My summer has been the worst of my life and I am not sure the end of the hell we have been through is close. Sometimes a broken heart feels unbearable, but girl, lean on these wonderful blogging friends....I have been and let me say to you, they are the best friends to count on when the crap flies. Without them, I think I may have fallen even further apart than I have. Girl if you need me....let me know. Leave me your email in my blog comments ...they are moderated, and I will contact you. I am here if you need me. I will be praying for you friend....as will everyone else that cares so much about you here!

Scooterblu's Whimsy said...

French, I tried to leave a comment earlier today, but it wouldn't go through! I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and your family! With a 15 year old daughter, this is a scary thing. We had a co-worker whose 16 year old daughter left home to live with her boyfriend, and in two months, she was returned home! Maybe just keeping the lines of communication open will turn the situation around! Sending you a big "cyber" hug! ~Prayers have already been uttered for you! ~Rhonda

Darlene - Our Creative Life said...

I will be praying for your situation! I can tell you that I put my parents through the same thing when I turned 18. I had a boyfriend that they didn't like and said that when I was 18 I would be kicked out if I was still with him. Well I didn't wait to be kicked out...just left to go live with him on my 18th b-day. Long story short, he broke up with me 2 weeks later and I came back home. Just let her know that you'll always be there for her and I'm sure she will get sick of his controlling crap and come back home! Keep the faith! Turn it over to GOD!

Susan (Moonlight and Magnolias on RMS) said...

Hi French, I am so sorry you are having to go through this...as a mother I know my heart would be broken, too. I am just so sure she is going to wake up sometime soon and realize this was a huge mistake and when she does, she will come running to the Mom she loves and that she knows has always been there for her and loves her. I wish I could be there to help somehow...my prayers and thoughts are with you now.
Love,
Susan

French said...

I can't begin to say thank you to everyone...my heart is so heavy right now....I promise to get around to thank you all personally when I can bring myself to it....until then, your support and kindness is keeping me sane...a little anyway.... Hugs~~French

janet said...

oh my french i can only imagine your pain, i have three teen girls ages 15, 16 and 17. I think you need to understand that you have NOT done anything wrong, teens always think they know what is best for them, ecspecially when a boy is involved, and she possibly left this way because she knows in her heart that you would not have supported her decision ecspecially if the guy is a tool. The best thing right now is to keep in touch and be as supportive as you can so if things fall apart for her she has a safe place to fall. At the same time she does need to know the hurt she has caused as a result of her leaving so abruptly, teens need to know the consquences of thier behaviour, so at times you may have to use tough love. I will put your family in my prayers and hang in there Lisa, im sure things will all work out in the end
many hugs
janet

Jessica said...

Hi French~

I am so sorry to hear this. I too left when I was young without a word, with a boyfriend....who I thought hung the moon. I thought the grass was greener; it wasn't. I know all to well what my family went through and what I went through....it was hell. I hope & pray she will come to her senses and return home. You have raised her to be respectful and loving, picked her up when she fell, praised her on good deeds, rocked her to sleep...these are things she will not forget. Unfortunately, when girls have the controlling boyfriends they think it's REAL love. It's hard to describe but, I understand it. She will see the light; hopefully it won't take too long.

Please take care and I will keep you & your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Jessica

Barbara Jacksier said...

We all make mistakes. This is hers NOT yours.Let her know you'll always be there for her -- and put a new pretty set of bedding on the bed.

Keep in touch with her as best you can. And, don't give up hope.

nikkicrumpet said...

French...I am so so sorry. Our children bring us so much joy and they can also bring us incredible pain. My Lindsey decided to run away one night....it was the longest night in my life and I thought I would die. She came home the next morning and I didn't know whether to hug her or strangle her. Just keep in mind that you've taught her so well, you've loved her so deeply, and you've set a wonderful example. She might stray for a little while..but all those moments and memories of her family will keep her strong and bring her home to you. Of that I have no doubt. Be strong and we will all pray for you and your family.

Linda at Lime in the Coconut! said...

French. First off, I send you strength.And Hugs.

Secondly, the mere word adult (18) can have such an illusion of independence and strength and freedom....to the ears of a 16 and 17 year old(and a controlling partner). We all test boundaries continually (at 2, at 5 at 18...39...48...) sometimes they are outwardly imposed boundaries...sometimes we are testing our own inward boundaries and strength. It is how we grow.

She sounds strong(of will and mind)...That will take her far (even though it hurts you...like losing an arm now)But if you let her find her own boundary and trust her strength. She will come back. You will be different. She will be different. But, maybe, that is ok.

Tincture of time has an amazing way of healing.

You have received so much amazing advice here...that has a way of healing, too. Trust her. Trust you.
Have faith.

Gollum said...

French, my heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers. A wise woman (an elderly artist from England) once told me that kids are either a lump in your throat or a pain in your ass. There! I hope I made you laugh, or at least smile. Sending many hugs your way.

Tootsie said...

hi girl. I am just checking in with you to remind you that you are not alone....and that I have had you on my mind since reading your post. I hope this new day brings you some releif and even some good news

Raxx - A day in the life said...

(((((Lisa)))) it is early morning here adn I am just touching base to see how you are doing, I just sais a prayer for you and your family and I hope for the best solution.

All these encouraging words brought me to tears this morning, the outpouring of emotion and encouragement, I know it strengthens you.

Raquel

cedwards55 said...

Lisa, I'm just now getting around to blogland. Been having a bit of drama in my world too. I'm off and running for a couple of hours but I will email you later. In the meantime, I'm praying for you and your family. It will turn out okay. And Sam will appreciate you even more when she gets a little experience under her belt. God will watch her and keep her safe while you can't. I ask Him to babysit my boys all the time.... and He does a much better job than I could do.
love, Carol

Buffie said...

Good morning Lisa, just checking on you...and hoping you are doing just a tad bit better this moring...you're in my thoughts....Love, Buffie

Donna said...

French Fry,

Just dropping in to let you know that you were on my mind all last night and this morning! I hope you are feeling a little better! I know how hard this is for you!

xoxoxoxo
Donna

Kathy said...

Frenchie, just sending positive thoughts, prayers and big hugs to you. Kathy

Twice as Nice said...

We hope today brought you a little closer to some answers and on your way to mend your broken hearts. She will come around. If a picture is worth a million words yours of your family spoke volumes. You could tell you have a very loving family. She will find her way. Twin2

mrsben said...

If what you feel about your daughter's boyfriend is true, then ensure you keep the doors of communication open. To do otherwise, will only accommodate his control.
I do feel for your pain and disappointment, but have faith in yourself and the values you taught. At this point and time, as a caring and loving parent let her know you will be always there for her. Its a full proof formula that will work and have a positive long term outcome.
Sending lots of hugs to you.
{{{{{{{Brenda}}}}}}

Rue said...

Oh French! I came over to ask if you were excited about tonight and found this.

I am so sorry, but all these sweet ladies are right. Remember being young and stupid? We all did something we shouldn't have and learned from it. She'll come home. It's going to take some time, but she will.

(((hugs)))
I love you!
rue

Bridget said...

Lisa, I hope you got the message I left last night. I just want you to know how much I care about you and I share you pain right now. I know Sam will be back eventually.
Huge hugs, Bridget

Kimluvsdecor said...

Lisa, Just a quick note to let you know that I'm keeping your family in my prayers. I know this is a difficult time, but I promise...it WILL get better. Just love her unconditionally, pray for her repeatedly and leave the rest up to God.

Hugs,
Kim

Terrie's Lil' Piece of Serenity said...

Lisa, My heart is breaking with yours. I will keep your family in my prayers. The thing that bothers me is that you say the boy is controling. At 15 I put my parents through hell to be with the boy I loved. They did not like him. They did everything in their power to try to keep me away from him. The more they persisted - the more I wanted to be with him. I got pregant with his baby. We got married. He started beating me up. She was born at 24 weeks. Thank-god she is heathy today. I guess what i'm trying to say is don't push her. Listen... to her!! Spend time with her. And if it's not what she thought it was going to be she'll come back home. Pray for god's will!!! Luv Ya!! Terrie

laurie said...

We don't know one another, and I hope I don't offend by posting now. My heart is breaking for you and your family. My daughter was with a very controlling boyfriend when she was 18 yrs. old. He didn't want her to have contact with family members or her friends. She was isolated from everyone. When we did hear from her, we bit our tongues in two trying to not say anything bad about him, but let her know we loved and missed her. He had been in our home 2 X. The 3 X he came to our home, he and our daughter told us they were getting married. We asked our daughter if she thought they'd be able to come celebrate holidays with her family since the boy she intended to marry wouldn't even come in our house. He became angry and told her they were leaving. She didn't go. I told her if this is what she wanted, I realized there was nothing I could do about it, but I did want her to be honest with herself about how things were going to be. When he honked the horn in the driveway, she went and told him goodbye. She is now 35 yrs old, happily married to a great guy, and they have 2 wonderful children! I'm sorry to leave such a long note. I just want to try to convey to you that there is hope. I'm saying prayers for you, your family, and especially your daughter. Laurie (RMS bargainhunr)

Terrie's Lil' Piece of Serenity said...

Lisa, I came back to say. "Happy Birthday" to Sam!!
And to ask you if it's ok that I posted a reminder about your appearance on RMS tomorrow night. I can delete it is you prefer. Just let me know.
Girl, Remember I luv ya' Terrie

Terrie's Lil' Piece of Serenity said...

Lisa, It was good to just hear from you!! All I can say is Amen!! Our god is an awesome god. I am so glad Sam is coming home in the morning. We'll keep praying that everything goes well.
Love, Terrie

Old House Junkie said...

French, I know your pain, believe me. I have no words of advice for you other than your life must go on and not be overwhelmed by your child's choices.

Things like this can happen in even the happiest families. It's no reflection on you or your parenting.

As a veteran mistake-maker I can assure you that your daughter still loves you, she just think she knows best. We know otherwise, she'll learn a hard lesson. Sometimes hard lessons are good ones. ohj

ceekay said...

Hi, new to your blog and I just had to write you. I have walked the path you are on with your daughter and I still walk it 8 years later. I KNOW how you are hurting. I see that you have talked to her and that is so good. Your heart will heal. It is scarred, but God is good. Truly, I am so sorry for you and your family.

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