Wednesday, August 27, 2008

My Dog and Cat Diaries.....shhh don't tell them I showed you!

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 6,111 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around her feet as she was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. She is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return.
She is obviously retarded!

Yes these are both mine and both females~~~they tolerate eachother but the cat is very old! She is almost 17! The cat is tortoise-shell, and the dog is brindle...they match (lol) wasn't planned that way either! Got this email a while back and thought it was funny! Hope you all get a good chuckle;)
French xoxoxox


Bridget said...

That was adorable! What a cute way to share the email.

artis1111 said...

I saw some one playing with your Tilly and I have proof!!! Heee Kathy

Raxx - A day in the life said...

French this was hilarious!! ROTFLAMO!! The cat diaries in particular!

Justine said...

I thought YOU wrote all this out! I thought the syntax seemed different, but just figured you were stretching your verbal skills! Too damn cute though.

Justine :o )

Rue said...

Good morning French :)

I love that email and laugh every time. It's so true it's scary LOL

Oh and honey, I read the post about all your changes and it's amazing how far we have all come, isn't it? There was nothing wrong with it before, but your home is like something out of a magazine now :)

love ya,

nikkicrumpet said...

I remember when I got the same made me laugh then...and it's STILL FUNNY...and I think part of why it's so hysterical is because you just know it's TRUE! Have a great day!

imjacobsmom said...

Oh, so funny! ~ Robyn

Pat said...

Hi French!

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Yes, it was so much fun meeting Kathy and we had such a nice time. I know her trip to NYC was whilwind so I hope she comes back for a longer visit next time. The city can be a little overwhelming, even for me! :-)

Hugs, Pat

Buffie said...

HAHAHA! Hey there, how are you doing?

cindy said...

Hysterical!...thanks for the chuckle this morning. ~Cindy~

Kathy said...

Hi French, my first visit on my rounds this morning and what a great big giggle I got, excellent haha. Kathy.
matching cat and dog hahaha, they are adorable.

Linda/ "Mom..." said...

Thanks for the invitation, kiddo~~~ really enjoyed it, as I ALWAYS enjoy anything to do with our precious 4-footers! XO Linda

Terrie's Lil' Piece of Serenity said...

Lisa, What a funny email. Thanks for making me laugh. Are you on tv tomorrow?? That's the rumor I heard. I will try to watch!!!
Hugs, Terrie

onlymehere said...

This one did give me a chuckle. I love the cat's diary about it's days in captivity, toooo funny! Maybe it's bz I'm not so much a cat fan that I find it's captivity amusing!! LOL!

Penny said...

Those are so funny! It describes things pretty well, don't you think?!

Mary De Bastos said...

This is so cute!! Thanks for stopping by my BLOG today! We live just outside Glasgow, Scotland! Its great out here!

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Never say what if... Just do. Live life without regrets...RN /Author/Interior Decorator